L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

As I write tonight there is a welcome chill in the air after the hot days of July. I flip the calendar page to August and realize it is time to start thinking about the year ahead and making plans.  I have been talking about going back to school and using my experience as a veterinarian along with my business experience and people skills to help other veterinarians build amazing careers and lead balanced lives outside veterinary medicine. Something that is finally on the collective minds of our profession and is sorely needed. I truly love being a vet and the thought of building a new career to help other vets find the joy and satisfaction I have experienced in my profession excites me BUT… There is always a “but” isn’t there? Getting my executive coaching certification, while not impossible to do while vagabonding around the world, will be more difficult. Staying put in Canada and working towards this goal would definitely make things easier.

Over our favorite craft beer (at the Rossland Beer Company), we talked it out and tried to come up with a “plan” for the year ahead.  As I looked into the red/gold liquid of my Helter Smelter Amber Ale, the words from a song by Noah and the Whale started playing in my head.

“On my last night on Earth, I won’t look to the sky

Just breathe in the air and blink in the light

On my last night on Earth, I’ll pay a high price

to have no regrets and be done with my life.”

“L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

You’ve got more than money and sense, my friend

You’ve got heart and you’re going your own way”

I thought back to April 2016, Rob and I were bouncing across a flat plain in Botswana on our first trip to Africa. We were on a budget camping safari and loving every minute of it. With a hot wind in our faces, we had the tunes blaring as we shared a set of earbuds and watched the surreal scenery unfold around us.

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We still owned our veterinary practice and the management pressure and workload was weighing heavily. I needed to make a change, hire a practice manager or commit more time to management and less to being a vet. I was struggling with how to move forward and honestly struggling to figure out what I wanted from life. L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N was playing and as I listened to the lyrics I realized it was time for us to stop putting off the things we want to do. What an amazing journey to build a small practice from nothing into a business and vision we could be proud of. To be part of a great community and to be able to provide a livelihood for several families in that community. But what did Elaine really want, on her last night on earth? That’s the kicker? What are my regrets and what can I do to reduce any regrets going forward?

My biggest priority has always been my family. If I am honest, it wasn’t always easy being a wife, mother and a veterinarian. The pressures of running a business, managing staff and client demands, being on call and also being present for my husband and children left me feeling like I was running on empty some days. Which seems crazy because I also had a supportive business and life partner, who I know felt the same way most days! Being in it together and having each other’s back, helped us survive those crazy times. Perhaps it is one of life’s great ironies that once you finally have more time and are able to enjoy each moment, your children suddenly don’t need you as intensely. They’ve grown and moved on to their own lives, which is as it should be.

What I do know moving forward is that my family is still my biggest priority and I want to be their biggest fan. I want to be there for the big moments. I want to have the time and make the effort to be a part of their lives while giving them the space they need to become their own people as they figure out this next phase. I also know I want to keep pushing my fear aside, trying new things, meeting new people and not let my fear of looking or sounding foolish hold me back. So if I don’t pursue a coaching career will I have regrets? Probably. When I am at end of days, looking back on my life will I regret not taking another year to bugger off, travel, volunteer and see more of this big beautiful world? Definitely. Decision made. Now I just need to stick with it and quit the second guessing.

Pretty great life, to be sure. If you are feeling envious, don’t be, instead be inspired. Ask yourself what you want, what’s holding you back and make a plan. Face your fears and do what you need to do, in order to find the joy you deserve. No regrets.

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Love Is

Sleep can be elusive for me. It’s 1 am and I look over at Rob, who slumbers through my restless nocturnal antics and I marvel again at my good fortune. My good fortune to have found this mate and my best friend. His beard has a more liberal sprinkling of salt, as of late and the crinkles I love, by the corners of his eyes, are now there even as he dreams. My own face in the mirror often takes me by surprise and I wonder, where did the years go?

While I still feel like that 24 year old who said “I do” 27 years ago, I know I have changed. And so has he. How amazing it is that we were able to change and grow together, not apart? How, at the young age of 24, did I manage to find a mate who I am so happy to wake beside each morning and with whom I look forward to the years ahead. I have been a wife, longer than I was single, a sobering thought, but for me, one that brings comfort. Like many things in our life, success has been a mix of good planning, hard work and a little bit of luck.

Hollywood would have us believe there is one true “soul mate” waiting for each of us. Cue the sappy music and the couple walking off into the sunset. As much as I enjoy a good “rom com”, I wonder whether the media’s version of love has set us up to be unhappy in our relationships. Humour me for a minute while I bust some “myths” about love.

Love is blind.  Maybe if you’re a naked mole rat or a Labrador retriever. If you’re a human being, you’re fooling yourself. Is it really “cute” that he texts you incessantly and is jealous when you go out with your friends? Better open those eyes, and quick.

Love means never having to say you are sorry.  What a load of crap! Being a good human being means having to say you are sorry and take responsibility for your actions. Why is it any different if you are in love? In fact, love means sometimes having to say you are sorry, even if you aren’t. Don’t worry, eventually you will be sorry.

All you need is love. Well sure, but money might be helpful. And food. Yes food is definitely a good idea. Water? Shelter? Family? Self worth? You get my point.

Love makes the world go around. Well now that is just silly. I am no brainy scientist but I am pretty sure love is NOT what makes the world spin on it’s axis OR rotate around the sun. But then again I could be wrong about this one….hmmm, is it really love? That’s pretty cool if it is! I kinda hope I’m wrong about this one.

Love completes me. I truly hope you can become a complete person on your own. If you need another person to “complete” you, that’s a little weird.  In fact, if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you need to be whole, on your own as well as comfortable in your own skin. If you’re still figuring out who you are or if you are trying to be someone different so he will love you, you are headed down a dangerous path. Someday you are just going to have to be your boring old self again, then what? Just be a human being, flaws and all and complete your own damn self!

Rob likes to test me to see if I can remember our wedding vows. To his dismay, I usually forget at least one of the lines and then I have to cover my inadequacy by firing back “I don’t have to remember the words, I choose to live them instead”. So here goes, lets see if I can remember my promises.

Rob, I promise to be your faithful wife

To laugh with you in joy

To grieve with you in sorrow

To stand by you in trouble

To grow with you in love

To honor you and cherish you, so long as we both shall live.

Crap, I know I’ve forgotten a line.  Laugh, grieve, stand, grow.  What else? No it did NOT involve a vow to obey. Pretty sure there was no clause about dancing (Rob would squash that one) or singing (I can’t remember the words to any song). Oh man, I’m in so much trouble. Maybe it had to do with forgive (let’s hope so). My poor long suffering husband. I love him so.

And yet, despite my flippant remarks, I still believe in love. Sure it hurts sometimes but your heart is an muscle, it needs exercise to stay healthy. If you find love, don’t take it for granted.  Be prepared to work to make it stronger, to make it last a lifetime and make sure the people you love know it.

I once heard an interviewer ask elderly couples what was the secret to a long and happy marriage. One elderly gentleman had the best response. He said, “well, each day I get up, go to the bathroom, and I take a good, long look at myself in the mirror.” Pausing for dramatic effect he continued, “and then I say to myself, well you ain’t no great prize either!”

Advice worth remembering. You ain’t no great prize either.

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Gratitude: Rossland you Rock!

Yesterday I woke up, my first day of “retirement”, a word I hate as I don’t feel like I am ready for that word, not yet anyway.  So lets start again. Yesterday I woke up, the first day of a new beginning. I enjoyed my coffee, dealt with emails and headed out for a chilly mountain bike ride. As I peddled up hill, I felt a little off balance, this was my first day of freedom and it just felt like any other day. The last year has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so perhaps it is understandable when you hand in your key and walk out the door to a different life, it feels a little anti-climactic.

As I rode, I let my thoughts drift over the last 20 years, thinking about the life we built in this little mountain town. Since arriving in Rossland, in 1997, the community has mostly known us as “the vets”, rather than Rob and Elaine.  For many people, living in a small community takes some getting used to, especially if you are a professional and in the public eye.  You quickly realize that everyone seems to know everyone else’s business, everyone is related, people talk behind your back and not everyone wants what you have to offer.  You grow thicker skin and remind yourself to focus on the positive.  After all, “haters gonna hate”. As I rode along in the beautiful fall weather I was reminded again about all those positives of small town life and realized that what I am feeling as I move on to this new beginning is gratitude.

Cultivating gratitude doesn’t cost any money but has huge benefits.  So here is my list of all the great things about living in Rossland, the most amazing small town in Canada. The place that we will picture when we hear the word “home”, as we head out on this new beginning.IMG_2335.jpg

  1. Everyone knows your business:  Yes, it is often annoying as hell to live life with no anonymity but it also means you have a whole community that has your back and is helping raise your children (I usually knew the trouble my kids were in before they arrived home from school, thanks to the local gossips!).
  2. The amazing outdoors:  How cool is it to live on the side of a mountain where I can ride my bike in any direction and within 10 minutes be in the woods!  Enough said.IMG_2374.JPG
  3. Kids can be kids:  My kids could walk to school alone every day, which is pretty cool. Even cooler though is that the biggest concern was wildlife.  End of day announcements at our school were often a wildlife update ” On your way home, today be alert, there is a mother bear and cubs hanging out on the corner of Cooke Ave. and Nevada Street kids”.  Where else can your kids grow up and not need to carry a key, because most of us don’t lock our doors. So awesome!
  4. Buying groceries is a social event:  You pop out to pick up a jug of milk and return home 2 hours later because you saw everyone you know at the local grocery store and got to catch up with all your friends!
  5. A community that cares:  Losing a school due to declining enrolment and lack of government funding? No problem, Rosslanders fought hard to save their high school and when they lost the battle, they picked themselves up and started an independent high school. Need a skate park? Rossland to the rescue and a group of committed community members made it happen (slowly to be sure, but the cement was poured this fall along with a new Youth Center).  Love riding or hiking our amazing network of trails? Thank Friends of the Rossland Range.  Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out the amazing programming available from the Rossland Arts Council.  Rosslanders not only know the meaning of community, they live it.  In fact, many people in this community inspire me to be a better person and to get involved.

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To our home town as well as the amazing communities of Trail, Fruitvale,  and the surrounding areas, thank you.  It has been an honour and privilege to be part of this community as your veterinarians.  Now, as we start this new chapter, we look forward to getting to know you as Rob and Elaine.  See you on the trails!